The Importance of Discussing Sexual Abuse and Trauma: A Look at Netflix's "Baby Reindeer"

Although I am passionate about media, I seldom indulge in movies, television shows, news broadcasts, or even content created by influencers. If I do consume any visual media, documentaries are more likely to pique my interest. However, every once in a while, a particular show seems to resonate with me on a deeper level, compelling me to give it a chance. Much like books, if the subject matter fails to captivate me from the outset, I quickly lose interest and move on. "Baby Reindeer" was one such show that immediately captured my attention within the first three minutes.

While I refrain from revealing spoilers for those who may wish to watch the series, I feel compelled to share a particular aspect of the subject matter that left me utterly astonished. The initial few episodes of this limited series were captivating and, to some extent, relatable for me. However, it was the fourth episode that utterly shocked me, triggering an overwhelming response that forced me to avert my gaze from the television and cover my ears. Despite having witnessed the early stages of grooming depicted in the episode, along with the groomer's steady progression and patience, it struck a chord, vividly reminding me of the individual who subjected me to a similar ordeal. In my book, 'The Devil Inside Me,' I refrained from delving into the intricate details of this experience, as it was not the central focus of the narrative. Nevertheless, witnessing the scenes unfold in episode 4 transported me back to my very first encounter with my "groomer," who led me down a harrowing path into the dark world of prostitution.

While I have no desire to reopen those wounds by discussing the agonizing details of being groomed for three years, the purpose of this writing is to commend "Baby Reindeer" for addressing a subject that is often overlooked or ignored by global society. In my opinion, it is far more common to hear about the rape of women than that of men or boys. As a survivor of sexual and physical abuse, I have spoken about this issue for years, and I am acutely aware of how little it is discussed. Why is it more taboo for men to talk about being molested, sexually abused, or groomed? Is it because doing so would require victims to discuss same-sex experiences? Or is it a fear of homophobia? I have grappled with these questions for years but have yet to find satisfactory answers. While some men do discuss their experiences, I do not believe that the few who speak out accurately represent the magnitude of this problem. Until more men speak out, none of us will.

Instead of promoting the release of my new book, 'Media Company in a Box: Independent Media in the 4th Industrial Revolution,' today, I felt compelled to applaud Richard Gadd for sharing his story with the world. He is not alone... I am not alone... YOU are not alone. I am grateful that his story has received attention and has seen "success" because, in my opinion, this series opens the door for more honest conversations about the injustices, crimes, and evils that occur against men. In no way do I want to detract from the awareness that women are receiving; however, it is time we all started having honest conversations about male sexual abuse and the consequences of remaining silent.

Netflix's "Baby Reindeer" has sparked a much-needed conversation about the often-overlooked issue of men being victims of stalking and sexual abuse. The show explores Donny's growth from trauma, confronting toxic patterns with self-awareness. It shows how Donny, who is reeling from a sexual assault, is forced to face his deeply buried trauma. This aspect highlights the long-term psychological effects of such traumatic experiences.

The show's ending sees Donny come full circle, suggesting that he has himself become like Martha: a messed up and mentally ill stalker. This open ending could be interpreted as a commentary on how victims of abuse can sometimes become abusers themselves, underscoring the importance of breaking the cycle of abuse.

Despite the pain and trauma, the show also emphasizes the power of empathy. In the final scene, a bartender extends the same kindness to Donny that he showed in the first episode. This act of kindness serves as a reminder of the importance of empathy and understanding in dealing with victims of abuse.

While "Baby Reindeer" has initiated an important dialogue, it is crucial to recognize that the issue of male sexual abuse extends far beyond the show. Statistics paint a sobering picture, with studies suggesting over 3 million American men have experienced rape in their lifetime. These numbers likely underrepresent the true scale due to underreporting stemming from stigma, shame, and lack of support resources.

The impacts on male survivors can be severe - psychological effects like PTSD, depression, substance abuse issues, and difficulties in relationships are common. Survivors grapple with feelings of emasculation, self-blame, and confusion around sexuality. Cultural norms around masculinity frequently deter men from reporting or seeking help.

Physical health consequences like higher risks of cardiovascular disease and cancer have also been linked to childhood sexual abuse in males. The trauma can manifest in various ways in the body, highlighting the need for comprehensive medical care.

Sexual abuse fractures families, erodes trust, and creates environments of secrecy, harming not just the survivor but their wider circles. Certain populations like incarcerated individuals, LGBTQ+ members, those with disabilities, and minority ethnic/religious groups face elevated risks and additional barriers to support.

Breaking this cycle requires a multi-pronged approach - education to raise awareness and promote consent, increased male-specific support services, legal reforms, professional training, and ultimately a seismic cultural shift to foster belief and compassion for male survivors. 

Prevention must also become a priority through robust educational programs aimed at curbing sexual violence. By amplifying survivor voices, challenging stereotypes, addressing systemic factors, and proactively implementing change across generations, we can work towards a society where no survivor suffers in silence.

Ultimately, shows like "Baby Reindeer" underline the vital need for open, honest conversations about the often-invisible issue of male sexual abuse and trauma. Only through such dialogue can we begin to dismantle the stigmas, provide comprehensive support, and create lasting change.

Male on Male Sexual Abuse Statistics:

• A study found that out of a sample of 284 adolescent and young adult males (ages 14-26), 43% reported experiencing a form of sexual coercion.
• Another review of 15 studies about male-on-male sexual assault published between 1980 and 2014, drawing data from a total of 5,112 sexual assault cases, found that the majority of both victims and offenders of male-on-male sexual violence are Caucasian and heterosexual1.
• The CDC survey found that 27% of men and 4% of men reported being victims of rape or attempted rape.

Effects of Male Sexual Abuse on Sexual Orientation:

• Conventional wisdom says sexual abuse turns boy's gay, although there’s no persuasive evidence that premature sexual activity fundamentally changes sexual orientation. Nevertheless, a heterosexual boy is likely to doubt himself, wondering why he was chosen by a man for sex.
• Sexual assault is in no way related to the sexual orientation of the perpetrator or the survivor, and a person’s sexual orientation cannot be caused by sexual abuse or assault.

Effects of Not Talking About Sexual Abuse:

• Many people continue to struggle with the lingering effects of sexual abuse or assault for months or years
• Survivors of abuse may stay silent and choose not to tell others about the abuse — including authorities6.
• “Denial of sexual abuse can wreak havoc on a survivor’s mental health,”
• When children do not disclose sexual abuse and/or do not receive effective counseling, they can suffer difficulties long into the future.
• It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t happen.  But you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth.

Thank you for reading,

Joshua