The Devil Inside Me: Breaking the Silence That Almost Killed Me

My name is Joshua T. Berglan, and for years, a devil lived inside me. It wasn't a creature of myth or legend; it was a silent, insidious force fueled by trauma, addiction, and a secret I felt I could never share with the world. For the longest time, shame was a cage, and silence was its lock. Today, I’m breaking that silence, and I’m inviting you to witness the story of how I faced that devil and began to heal.

My memoir, The Devil Inside Me , is more than just a book. It’s a raw, unfiltered look into a world that many are afraid to speak about: the world of chemsex.

Let's be clear about what chemsex is, because it's often misunderstood. It’s the convergence of intimacy, technology, and substance abuse—a dangerous triangle that promises connection but often delivers isolation. This isn't just a story about drug addiction; it's an exploration of the deep-seated need for acceptance and the dangerous paths we sometimes take to find it when we feel we have nowhere else to turn.

This journey didn't start in a club; it started in the unhealed wounds of my past. It’s about how trauma can lead us into the darkest corners of human experience, and how the fight back to the light is the most difficult battle one can ever face.

This story isn’t confined by borders or languages. The pain of addiction, the sting of loneliness, and the desire for redemption are universal human experiences. The struggle to overcome our inner demons is a shared one, playing out in the high-rises of a metropolis and the quiet streets of a small town alike.

Whether you are in London, Tokyo, Sydney, or my own hometown, the silent pandemic of loneliness connects us all. My journey with chemsex addiction nearly cost me everything, but in sharing it, I hope to provide a voice for the voiceless and a beacon of hope for those who feel utterly alone in their fight. I want people to understand that they are not isolated in this struggle. This is not a niche issue; it is a human issue.

Words on a page can tell you what happened, but I needed you to feel it. That is why we created The Devil Inside Me: A Memoir & Film Experience.

This isn't just a film; it's a visceral, conceptual journey. We chose this medium to translate the internal chaos of addiction into something you can see and hear. It's an immersive experience that uses visuals, sound, and atmosphere to convey the emotional weight, the disorienting highs, the crushing lows, and ultimately, the fragile, flickering flame of hope that sparked the recovery process. It’s an artistic interpretation of a life lived on the edge, designed to provoke thought and start crucial conversations.

My story is one of survival. It is a testament to the fact that no matter how far we fall, there is always a path back. "The Devil Inside Me" is my offering to anyone who has ever felt lost, broken, or defined by their secrets. It is for the families who have watched loved ones disappear into the abyss of addiction, and for the communities seeking to understand and heal.

My mission now is to tear down the walls of silence and stigma that keep so many people trapped. This is a global conversation, and it starts with telling the truth, no matter how difficult it is to hear. I invite you to join me on this journey. Let's talk about the uncomfortable truths so we can find a collective path toward healing.