Most of us tend to convince ourselves that no one else could ever go through what we are facing and that we are all alone in this dark journey. However, we fail to realize how all of this is just make-believe coming from the lie we hear that we are without help all this time. Today, we dive into the importance of guarding your heart and never letting anyone take advantage of your wounds. Learn how you can take yourself out from a situation that would hurt yourself more. As we dive into the ultimate expressions of love, learn that when you need to run, don’t run from God and the people who are there for you, instead run to them.
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You Are Never Alone
I’m grateful to have you here. I want to give a shout out. You are a huge part of the show. You are what makes it fun. You make the show. It’s not just me talking. It’s interactive. We talk. We have a lot of fun. I’m going to give a shout out to the show audience. Thank you for the downloads and the support. You can join the conversation over at Facebook.com/GratitudeUnfiltered. This subject about never being alone is something that hits. I could get emotional, not from a place of pain but thinking of a place of overcoming, remembering how alone I felt most of my life and for various reasons. A lot of it became me because I was isolated. This is going to be an interesting conversation for us to all have. This is going to hit home for some people.
Greatest Lie: You Are Alone
One of the greatest lies ever told by our darkness is that we are alone. Do you remember that little voice that tells you that, “No one likes you. No one loves you. You’re not good enough.” How many of us have felt alone? How many of us feel alone now? We convince ourselves that no one else could ever go through what we are facing. We believe that no one could possibly understand our pain or sorrow. I’ve seen some of the comments from some of the last shows. People are commenting that, “I feel alone. I feel like no one’s hearing me.” How many of you feel that way? How many of you are not using your voice? How many of you are suffering in silence?
Guard Your Heart And Don’t Settle
Our darkest moments rarely are when we have failed or lost a battle. Think about that. Our darkest moments don’t come from failure. They come by a betrayal. It comes from having our heart broken, having someone we trust penetrate our boundaries, maybe sexually too, physical and verbal abuse. That’s the stuff that sticks with us. It’s not the failure. It’s not the loss and not the going for it. It’s not giving it your best try and failing. It’s the betrayal by someone that we love. It’s the betrayal by a kiss. This is why a warrior must guard his heart. This is where darkness will come to steal your light. How many of you have been on this path or this journey where you’re cruising right along like, “The universe loves me. Everything falls in my lap. Everything’s going well.” You go out one night and you meet somebody. You see them and you know you’re in a good place.
When you show up and you’re talking to the girl or the guy and you’re happy, joyful, you’re in your power, feeling strong and you’re your best self. What you’re showing to this person is your best self. Everything’s great. I bring this up because one of the problems for me is that every time I’ve been on this strong path where I’m making headway, I’m becoming the man that God is calling me to be. I start going out. I see this girl and we make this connection. We’re going to have drinks. The next thing I know, we’re drunk and having fun and everything’s happy. The googly eyes are getting googlier. The reason I’m bringing this up is that in the course of my life, I’ve fallen into this situation. Where I’m on the path, but then I allow a relationship that I’m in because it’s too early or too soon. I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe I don’t have that foundation. Now I’m all googly eyes. My focus is now on this girl. I love being with her. I love talking to her. She makes me warm and fuzzy all over. Every time I’m around her, I get an erection. I’m like, “This is wonderful.”Love yourself enough to be healed. Click To Tweet
In that process, I’ve taken my eyes off of what should be my number one focus. All of a sudden, I’m staying out late. I’m maybe having drinks too late. I’m not spending that time to develop my mind. I’m not spending that quiet time to get peaceful. At that time I wasn’t practicing surrender, but how many of us have been there? The next thing you know, you’re off your path. You’re falling into those old behaviors that completely derail you from where you’re at. The next thing you know, you’re right back where you were before you started the previous journey to get things right. The point of that tangent was out guarding your heart. I think so much of those problems. I bring that up because I don’t know if any of you have experienced that.
The one thing that I know of is that this is the first time I’ve ever been in this place of respecting myself and loving myself enough to be careful to make better decisions. I trust myself. I love myself to know that I’m not going to settle in a relationship. I know who I am. I’m not saying, “Pat me on the back. I’m cool.” It’s not like that. I know who I am in Christ. I know who I am as a man now and who I get to be. I don’t want to settle because I love myself. I’m protecting that. I’m guarding my heart, not in a protective wall way because I’m open to love. I can genuinely with Missy. I can be in a roomful of people and yet feel isolated. Missy and I have become good friends and I can say that I love her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. There are other people in here too that I’ve gotten close to. Melissa most of all, I love.
We all know that we can have those friendships sometimes and this is all new for me because I haven’t even had intimate friendships. These are all things that are new to me. Most of you haven’t experienced co-dependency in friendships or have you? Have any of you been co-dependent friends? I have. I get it. I’m talking about the relationships that we get into that knock us off our path, guarding our heart that way. I feel like that happens because maybe we’re not in this place that we should even be dating. Maybe we’re a little bit still wounded. We’re seeking for someone to try to nurse us back to health. That recipe doesn’t work. Another person is Emily. She’s like a sister. It’s amazing. I have these crazy, intimate, not sexual, not physical, personal like brother-sister type relationships and it’s such a blessing.
This is why a warrior must guard their heart. This is where darkness can come to steal your light. When you’re wounded and those middle moments of insecurity. The reason why I brought this up is that when you quit doing the work and those old habits start to show up in your relationship again, one of the things that can happen, especially for me, is being an insecure boob. Being so insecure like, “She didn’t call me. She hasn’t texted me back.” I don’t know what I did before the text. That’s a wormhole I don’t want to go down. When insecurities plant your seed, this is how much of a little boy that I am or was that when I would have those insecure moments when I’m dating or in a relationship, I would get in my head. My darkness, my dark passenger, my shadow would start telling me, “She’s screwing someone else. You should go do the same thing.” That was real. I freaking believed it.
This is why it mattered so much to me to make certain sacrifices to heal because that’s sick behavior. No one in their rational mind should think of something like that and then bring it into a relationship. When you’re not guarding your heart, you’re not protecting yourself or guarding your heart because your heart’s wounded. If your heart is wounded, if any of you that are hurting inside and you’re hurting but you’re seeking someone else that’s in this physical world to heal you. All you’re doing is saying, “Cut me open some more. Rip my heart out some more.” This sounds strange to some of you but I think as a woman sometimes. Not that I was narcissistic, but I’m a very sensitive man. I’m emotional. I’m passionate but I cry. I care a lot. I’m sensitive.
This is the point about the heart. Women, if your heart’s wounded and you’re seeking a man or a woman, if you’re into that thing to heal you, I want to make you a promise. I mean this sincerely. This is coming from somebody that can smell it a mile away. You’ve got to protect your heart, especially guys like me, the way I was, but I still have the instincts. I can smell a wounded woman a mile away. You have prey written all over you. You have, “I can be taken advantage of,” written all over you. I’m not proud to say that at all. I’m not proud to say that I can sense that and know. A part of it is using a gift for the wrong thing, but the fact is you see what you see and you smell what you smell. I’m not the only guy out there that can do it.
If you don’t guard your heart, ladies, you’re a victim. You’re going to be another victim. Men get hurt too. When men hurt, sometimes it brings out that beast in us. We’re angry and hurt. Some of us that are not emotionally intelligent, that are not healed, will express our anger and hurt and rage through acting out sexually. Who do you think we’re looking for? We’re looking for prey. Straight up, we’re not looking for a woman that can say, “No.” We’re not looking for a woman that can create boundaries. We’re not looking for a strong, well-adjusted woman that was like, “I got no business having that dude in my life.” We’re looking for prey. That’s why the tangent about guarding your heart. Guarding your heart is not building a wall. Guarding your heart is being honest with yourself of, “Am I seeking this relationship because I don’t want to be alone with myself? Am I seeking this relationship because I’m lonely? Am I seeking this because I’m horny?” That’s an option too. I’m not judging anybody.
If you don’t protect your heart and respect yourself enough to go like, “I need some time alone. I need some time to gather myself and see, ‘How did I allow that person in my life and do that? Why did I drop my boundaries for that person?’” These are honest questions that we get to ask ourselves, especially coming out of a traumatic relationship or after a heartbreak. We honestly get to protect ourselves and our heart and respect it. You have to love yourself enough to be healed. If you have to FaceTime with people to help with the loneliness, that’s better than putting yourself in a situation where you’re going to hurt yourself more.The problem with being alone is that you don't like yourself. Click To Tweet
When you’re feeling like crap and you’re feeling lonely, do you know how easy it is to go, “I’m going to go to the bar?” If you’re a woman and you’re looking fly or you got assets to show off, you’re like, “I’ll go have a drink. I’ll go sit at the bar by myself. I’ll have a glass of wine, dress up and look good.” The next thing you know, you’re lonely, sad, thinking, “God, I’m looking on Facebook and Instagram. All these people were having fun and these two people were making out.” Your heart starts hurting. All of a sudden you have Rico Suave that comes up to you. He’s like, “How are you doing? You look so beautiful tonight. Your eyes are so beautiful. You have the perfect lips. You have naturally beautiful skin. What do you use on your skin? It’s beautiful. I love your hair. You smell good.” He cracks a joke and makes you laugh. The next thing you know, you’re getting a little warm and fuzzy and in all the places you probably shouldn’t be. You’re like, “This was good. I like the attention. This feels good.” The next thing you know, you’re having sex with this person.
From there, you can feel all kinds of ways. You can cycle back into a relationship. You can cycle into having a lover. You can cycle into finding out that the guy is a complete psychopath. He’s using meth behind your back and having sex with men and having sex with everybody. All kinds of options can happen from there but because of this thing called soul ties, this person that you’ve had sex with, they’re in your brain. They’re a part of you. There is a physical attachment there, whether you want it to be or not. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is a soul tie now attached to that. You’re going to have some link there forever. What if you live in the same neighborhood as in West Hollywood? If you live in a bubble area or you live in a small town, then you’ve got to be paranoid about, “I hope I don’t run into them again because it’s awkward.” You run into him again. You’re avoiding them. You’re like, “I’m going to have a couple more drinks.” The next thing you know, “He’s living well again.” You’re creating yourself this more cycle of pain because you didn’t allow yourself to heal. You didn’t protect your heart.
The problem with being alone is that you don’t like yourself. That’s a problem. If you don’t like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like you, especially when they don’t even know who you are? If you don’t like yourself, you sure aren’t being honest with yourself. Let me recap. Our deepest wounds come from when we feel betrayed by a kiss. This is why a warrior must guard his heart. This is where darkness will come to steal your light. For some of you that have battled with mental illness, some of us let darkness come and hang out and then move in like it’s a vacation rental. In other words, where it’s around for a few months and you’ve wasted a few months of your life because you allowed this darkness to take over. When I let my dark passenger come over and take over again, I’m terrified. I’m at this point in my life that if I don’t keep doing the work, which I love to do and I allow that guy back in, I’m not making it out. The last relapse I had several months ago, that thing tried to kill me. If God would not have done his magical God stuff, if that series of events didn’t happen, I know I would be dead. That’s the momentum. It kicked right back in. It didn’t waste any time and I didn’t care. I care now because I have seen what God’s promises are coming to life, so much so that I believed the rest of them.
I love doing the work now because I know how much that relationship with Christ is for me. That’s why I’m passionate about it. I don’t judge your beliefs. I don’t judge any of it. In fact, if somebody would have explained what a relationship with Christ to me was, if someone would’ve told me that when I was going to church, all those years going on Wednesday night, going on Sunday morning, going on Sunday night, Christmas pageants and like, “You’ve got to be there. You’ve got to close your eyes when you pray. You’ve got to sit down,” you’re listening to terrible music and I’ve got to act like I’m into this. If somebody would’ve told me what a relationship with Jesus was, maybe I couldn’t have understood it then. I understand it now and it’s awesome because I get to live much fearless. It’s not being cocky. It’s knowing who I am, knowing who I get to be and knowing that I get to get better, even better than now.
I was a piece of crap for a long time. I’m tired of that life. It hurts me to see some of you struggling. You’re hurting inside and you’re alone. You think you’re alone. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re alone. You’re not but you’ve got yourself convinced of this. A lot of it is because you are holding on to something inside that’s hurting you. It’s eating you alive. There’s something that you’re holding in. There’s a lie you’re living. That is why you feel alone because it is impossible to speak your truth. It’s impossible to live and stand in truth. It’s impossible to do that and be alone.
Love Is The Response To Everything
I need a scientist to back me up on this. Do you know any scientist? “Darkness can spiral us down very quickly. Dark shadow will try to convince every one of us to commit suicide. That’s the only way it will achieve true peace. Satan is a liar.” Most of you that are on here right now have read the suicide episode. When the spiritual attacks, the images would not stop for days, some of you remember that. “The battle only can be fought with prayer. To respond with love to betrayal, with forgiveness to despair with hope and to darkness with light.” The response to everything is love. I’m big on truth and the supernatural power of truth but in the end, it comes back to love. I’m going to frame this like I would frame it to myself because I was a liar.
Knowing the pain that a web of lies causes other people, the confusion and the disorientation and not knowing what’s real, that’s hard to live with. Lies cause a lot of problems, more than we want to give it credit for. In the end, us telling that lie and me telling that lie ends up causing me agony and grief because then I got to remember my lie. I got to remember the story. You got to remember all this stuff and all it does is cause internal anguish. I talked about this a couple of episodes ago. You have all these voices in your head. All of these voices are telling you all of these things about yourself, the lies. A lot of those voices in your head that are giving you lies are telling you the lies that you told, the lie that you are being. That’s what that noise is. The way you get rid of it is when you face it, you let it go and you get rid of that, you heal that, you break through that and you address it. All of a sudden, that voice goes away. It’s one less voice until you get to a place where you just hear one. That’s enlightenment.
Never Run From God And The People You Need In Your Life
Love is everything. This is the thing I’m working on now and I’m not great at it yet because I still want to bite people’s heads off sometimes. I think before I respond sometimes when I’m talking to somebody, when they say something to me, I say, “I love you,” in my head before I speak. One, it causes a delay so I’m not reacting. Number two, it’s hard to say, “I love you. Go F yourself.” It’s hard to say, “I love you. Burn in hell.” It’s easier to respond from a place of love if you say, “I love you,” to the person you’re talking to in your head before you respond to whatever they said. I heard that somewhere and it’s a good practice, “Knowing you were never alone and all your sins have been forgiven. He meets us where we are. He takes care of our every need and keeps your eyes on God. It gives us the blueprint of how to use all of that crap that hurt us, to set other people free and inevitably setting yourself free.”When you know God, you realize you were never alone. He meets us where we are and takes care of our every need. Click To Tweet
“When you don’t speak your truth, it becomes stuck energy and you build into more and more darkness until you deal with it.” That’s true. It works. It does help me a lot. “When you need to run, don’t run from God, run to him. Don’t run from the people you need in your life, run to them.” One of the most powerful things that I’ve ever experienced in my life and I had mentioned at the beginning of the show, that there are people that I genuinely love. Rae Anne is one of those people that I love like a sister. Emily is like a sister. Missy is like a sister to me. True love and affection and intimate friendship that I know that if I call them and I need something that they’re going to be there for me. I’ve never truly felt that. I may have had it but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t know it until now. I used to tell myself I wasn’t worthy of having friends. I wasn’t worthy of having love. I used to tell myself those lies. I know they are my friends, that I can say, “I know that they have my back,” that I can say, “I know that they love me.” The only reason I can say that is because I stood in truth. That means I expose everything.
Wouldn’t it feel more amazing to have one person love you for everything about you: the disease, the abuse, the gel, the drugs, the violence and his poor money decisions? Wouldn’t it be better to have one person love you for all of you than have to worry about 10, 15, 5, 25 people? You have to be worried to death that they’re going to find out your secrets. What sounds better? I know one sounds less exhausting. Frankly, I like my friends not exhausting. I don’t need drama. None of you do. “Life was never meant to be lived alone. The greatest battles require an army, a tribe or misfits.” “You were never stronger than when you were standing between two warriors.” “It’s way too easy to convince yourself you are the only one.” Who’s guilty of doing this? “It’s easy to surrender the battle when you are alone.” This is why accountability partners are so powerful. This is why coaches are so powerful. This is why friends that will hold you high, not friends that are going to enable you to go, “It’s been a long time. Let’s do a little bit of cocaine. It’d be fine. It’s not a big deal.”
You don’t need friends to enable you. You need friends to empower you as you empower them. That matters. It matters so much, having that person, that’s side-by-side with you where you’re fighting whatever battle it is and typically the battle is in your head. Most of it is imagined, this illusion or disillusion that some of us have about this enemy that’s coming at us. It’s right there in your head. When you have somebody in your life that will hold you accountable, that’ll hold you high, they’ll be by you to help you work through that. They’ll help you be able to talk you down. Some of us that deal with this association issues. It’s good to have that person you can trust but the truth is, if you’re standing in truth, I guarantee you. When you’re putting your message out, we have an amazing tool, Facebook Live, YouTube and Smashcast, we’re on it. Wherever you’re at, and you’re putting your truth out there. You’re going to draw people into your universe.
Everyone I’ve mentioned on here, these people all came in my life that I love. They are my friends. The people who I legitimately know that would be there for me. It came from the internet. It came through sharing my truth, my ugly, nasty, brutally disgusting and vile past. They’re all amazing, powerful, world-changing people. They love me. I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying that humbly. It only came through truth which is the ultimate expression of love. There’s a much better expression of love that I know of, it’s sacrifice and selflessness. Love is truth. It’s way too easy to convince yourself you are alone when you’re only one. Who’s guilty of doing this? It is easy to surrender the battle when you are alone, “No victory is ever won without others so why would you want to ever face defeat alone?”
I’m getting ready to leave. As soon as I’m done doing this, I’m going to family night with this church I started going to in West Hollywood. There are 25 people in the church. It’s small and I love it. I’ve never done that ever. I’m doing it now. I’m grateful to be able to walk into a room now and be okay and know that I’m worthy of love and I get to love others and it’s fun to love other people. It’s fun to love and care about other people’s emotions. It’s fun to give a crap about other people but has it come from a place of not codependency, just genuine love and then being able to receive it back. I wasted so much of my life running, hiding and lying. I felt alone the whole time. I can’t tell you the amount of drugs that I have bought for people to try to fit in.
I went to college in Hawaii. I remember because my house got hit by the May 3rd, 1999 tornado. I get a bunch of money from FEMA. By doing that, I go to Hawaii. I live on someone’s couch but end up getting a nice place. I remember when we all started going out, I wanted everyone to like me. I started buying a bunch of ecstasy and I would give it to people. I was buying people drugs so they would like me. That’s where I was at. I always picked up the bar tab. I guarantee you, if anyone’s on here from my past and you’ve hung out with me, I bought your drinks. I still would probably do it now. That’s where I’m coming from. It wasn’t a place of love. I was co-dependent in my friendships. None of that is love, to be honest with you. If I love myself, I would not only be buying other people drugs. I wouldn’t be buying myself anyway. I wouldn’t be buying cocaine, meth, ecstasy or pain pills. That’s an unloving thing to do.
“No victory is ever won without others so why would you ever want to face defeat alone?” You don’t have to be alone. If you feel alone in yourself, you feel alone inside you. Ask yourself honestly maybe on one of those times that you walk over to the mirror and start talking to yourself. What are you lying about? What are you lying to others about? What are you lying to yourself about? What truth are you avoiding? What is burning inside you right now that you need to tell someone? I swear to God, I swear to all, I swear on my faith, it’s never as bad as we tell our self it is. I think our stomach brain is the only brain that doesn’t lie to us. I’m sure. When you eat a bunch of bad food, it tells you, “You ate some bad food.” If you put a lot of bad stuff on your body, your second brain will tell you. It may be your first brain. I don’t know that for sure. The point is, that brain doesn’t lie to you. Your gut won’t lie to you. Your brain, this stupid thing, it lies to you all the time, especially when you’re feeding it garbage. Watching shows about serial killers, rape, affairs and feeding your mind with that garbage that’s on the news. None of it is even true anyway. They even lie about the weather to screw with you.
Feed Your Mind With Truth
Why are you polluting your mind? All it’s going to do is create more lies in your brain, more lies that you’ll believe and that you will spout out. Why are you doing that to yourself? You’ve got to feed your mind with truth. There’s only one truth. In truth, you will find your tribe. In truth, you will find your misfits. In truth, you will find your fellow warriors. You are not alone. You’re not alone, but you’re going to continue to feel alone until you stand in the truth, until you share that thing that is deep down inside you that hurts so bad, the secrets you’re holding. I was so blessed to have lunch with an amazing woman that is holding on to secrets. I don’t know her age. She’s older than me. She’s probably my mom’s age. It doesn’t matter. I love her to death. She’s holding the secrets of her husband raping her. Yes, your husband can rape you, just like abuse, they can rape you. She is holding on to the secrets that are tearing her up inside. I saw it in her eyes. It was killing me. She’s harboring those secrets because she has to protect him and his image for the rest of the family. Everyone gets to participate in the lie.You got to feed your mind with truth. In truth, you will find your tribe, your misfits, and your fellow warriors. Click To Tweet
Let me tell you something right now and I mean this 100%. No one did me any favors keeping my secrets. I’m not blaming all the bad crap I did because people are keeping my secrets. The loving thing to do is get rid of the secrets. All you’re doing is allowing the liar, the abuser, the cheater and the freaking maniac. All you’re doing is enabling them and giving them more fuel to keep hurting you with. Harboring the secrets of other people is killing you and it’s going to kill them, then it’s going to go on to hurt even more people. It’s a fact. If we don’t pay for the consequences of the things that we do, we’ve got to do that. The longer we delay it, “I thought I could get away with everything because I could talk my way out of anything.”
Anyone would tell you I could talk my way out of any situation. I never got in trouble. Some people call me from Leave It to Beaver, Eddie Haskell. I’m a first class. I’m a wordsmith enough to be able to talk my way out of a lot of situations. This is part of the reason why I expose myself so much because I can hide. I can live in the shadows better than anybody. I have to put that spotlight on my shadow. That was the commitment I made when I started the show is that I’m going to share all of it, even all the crap that I don’t want to talk about. The stuff that I think is silly, I get to bring it out. I got to put a spotlight on it because I’m so good at hiding and I’m so good at lying that I could talk my way out of anything. I can hide anywhere.
I don’t want to hide. I want to not only live in the light, I want to be the light. It feels way better on this side than the other side, but I have a healthy respect for how easy it is to go back the other way. None of it is good. There are so many people that are sitting down here that would do it. When you have your tribe, you have those people that hold you high. They’re also going to hold you accountable. They’re not going to let you get away with those things. That is a beautiful thing. That is love. When you have someone saying, “You’re a bit of an egomaniac, maybe you should check the ego. Maybe you should watch your language.” You’re a little short and dismissive with me. You weren’t paying attention to me. Have a friend that loves you enough to say, “Can I give you some feedback? This is how I see you showing up in the world.” If it doesn’t land, it doesn’t land. If it lands, it makes you feel a little funny.
The person that comes up to you and gives you feedback, not making accusations, not accusing you, someone that’s giving you honest feedback, that’s love. That is an amazing friend, an amazing wife, amazing boyfriend or an amazing uncle. That is amazing when you have someone that loves you enough to give you feedback. The people that are harboring secrets and enabling and lying for the person, you’re as selfish as they are. I’m not making excuses at all. It’s as harmful because you’re preserving the hurt. You’re letting it stir, brew and boil. You’re letting it generate this nastiness inside that is going to spill over to someone else. You could have stopped it.
On top of that, you could have set yourself free from hurting any more than you have. You can run from your battles all you want, but they will always come back full circle and smack you in the face again. Running is exhausting. Running from yourself and running from your lives is all exhausting. It’s silly to think that we’re alone. We’re not but we can’t see the people waiting to love us. We can’t see the people that are waiting to be our friend. We can’t see the people that genuinely want to love us and be the perfect match for us. We can’t see it because our eyes are all covered with the lies, covered with hurt and anger and rage that it all comes down to lies, withholding the truth and not being who we be.
I don’t care if you’re somebody that is a man and you’re sitting there thinking you’re a woman. Jesus loves you. I don’t care if you’re a little boy and you want to be a little girl. Jesus loves you. I don’t care if you’re a married couple that is two men or two women. Jesus loves you. I don’t care if you’re in a relationship and one of you is Jewish and the other one’s Christian or Muslim. It doesn’t matter. Jesus loves you. It doesn’t matter if you’re bisexual, straight or gay, Jesus loves you. God loves you. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been an abuser or the abused. Our Father loves you. Our Creator loves you. You were designed, every single one of you, no matter what you’ve done. If you’ve been a killer, if you’ve been an abuser, an addict, no matter what you have been in your life that you think is so awful, that’s unlovable. No matter how nasty you think it is, your Creator, our Savior, loves you. All of your flaws, pain and hurt, all of it, have a much bigger purpose than you will ever know it. It’s the fuel that will fire your gifts that bless the world and make sense out of all of the suffering that you experienced. The only way to ever get to that place is by standing in truth. In truth, you will attract your tribe. Thank you for your support. God bless you. I’ll see you soon.